Music Weltanschauung

(A more enjoyable read if one has Patrick Bateman's voice in mind . . .)

LESSON #1: Basics (the 4 Bs)

BEATLES
There was a time I could tell you which album and track number a particular Beatles' song came from. No joshing. Arguably, they were simultaneously the best and most popular at their craft. That is hard to match in any type of discipline.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Revolver. Technically, sonically, and lyrically their most succinct work. A giant leap from the Dylanesque Rubber Soul (another favorite). "For No One" is quite possibly McCartney's most honest work, an underrated classic any lovelorn guy would appreciate. Lennon re-wrote pop music with "Tomorrow Never Knows" ("Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream"). George matures with "I Want to Tell You" and the acerbic "Taxman." And Ringo, well, Ringo was the drummer . . . seriously, "Yellow Submarine" hums with childish glee that only Ringo could've pulled off.

BOB MARLEY
Who doesn't like Robert Nesta Marley? Disliking Bob is like refusing a nice cold ice cream sandwich on a hot, humid day. Especially after one has cotton mouth after taking a couple of ridiculously cough-inducing bong hits. Lick samba, lick samba, lick samba, me say lick samba . . .

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Kaya. Should you ever wake up early one fine Sunday morning, have some herbal remedy, relax, and put this disc on. Everyone knows "Sun is Shinning," but the real gems here are "Misty Morning" and "She's Gone." Oh mockingbird have you ever heard words that I never heard . . .

BOB DYLAN
Robert Zimmerman from Duluth. Yes, most folks in the 30 and under set probably don't think they can relate to Mr. Dylan. I felt the same way, until I actually heard some of his earlier stuff. Mind freakin' blowin' in the idiot wind with a leopard-skin pill-box hat! Aside from John Lennon and Bob Marley, quite possibly the greatest singer-songwriter of the 20th century.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Blood on the Tracks. His most accessible record, never has Dylan blended lyrical imagery with melodic hooks so seamlessly. "Tangled Up in Blue" and "Shelter from the Storm" are highlights. The record could have been autobiographical or rehashed Chekhov short stories or inspired by a Kubla Khandian opium dream. With Dylan, it's always an enigma.

BEETHOVEN
You read about him in high school and watched Immortal, Beloved countless times (although, to digress, Foreman's treatment of Mozart in Amadeus was a far superior film with respect to the Classical Era music composer movie genre). The man was deaf, but still composed music. I refuse to type with a hangnail.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Piano Sonata No. 8 in C minor, Op. 13, "Pathetique." Yeah, you've heard this one before. This is the one that makes me sob like a little licentious tramp and wonder where my childhood innocence, my dreams, my loves, my faith have all ran off . . .

It's hip to be square.